Rules of Self Discipline by Napoleon Hill

 I’m going to give you 10 rules for profitable self-discipline. These are rules are of my own making, they’re very homely some of them but there’ll be very helpful. 

And number one, is keep cool when other people get hot. I know you can agree with that one. But am not so sure that you will always live up to it. Were inclined all of us to get hot when the other fella gets hot. Say angry things when the other fellow starts saying angry things.

I was in the home of the president of a big electric power company one evening, when there came a storm and he called up one of his hetman to go out.  And I never heard a man get such a tongue lashing in all my life as this president of the electric power company did. Says you blanket-blank, blank you think because you’re the friends presidents company blanket-blank, mine is just as good as you are blank the bank but Oh, it was terrific. I only heard one side of the conversation because there was only one side of it.

One man was doing all the talking and one man was doing all of the listening. And therefore this had been going for fully three minutes. I heard the president closed the door and he came back and he just smiled said why the man looks a little bit hot, wasn’t he that’s all he said a little bit hot wasn’t he. I expected in a moment to hear fists begin to fly out there but you see there was a man who had risen to great heights of achievement financially, and he had done it by a self-discipline. Self-discipline in every respect and he did propose a long workman who had been temporarily unbalanced by his anger to throw him off balance and make him stoop to that level.

He just didn’t propose to have that done and you will notice when you get into an argument with anyone and you’re after you if you don’t watch yourself but if you just remain silent while the other fellows blowing off his top. He finally gets to the point where he’s got no more talk to blow off. then if you want to get in a few words of your own that’s a mighty good place to do it. It’s a mighty fine thing in two words that you get in are not the kind of words you’ve been hearing in other words you can say something back kind in return it’s a far better for the other fellow and far better for you. It shows you to be the bigger of the two persons, now anybody can get mad and blow his top because what somebody does is says and that’s happening all the time but the truly big man the man who is in charge of himself he doesn’t allow anybody to draw him down to that level of a street and if he’s truly a big man he doesn’t want to do it.

Number two, remember the three sides to all arguments. We ordinarily think there are two sides taller, but they’re not the three, there’s your side there’s the other fellows side and then there’s the right side which is usually about in the middle of the two viewpoints. Remember that when you get into an argument with the other fellow, don’t assume that he’s always at fault maybe you’re partly at fault too. Maybe neither one is totally at fault. The chances are and all of the arguments I’ve ever heard in both parties were partly to blame in one way or another. I have never years heard an argument where one party entirely wasn’t to blame although I suspect there are such arguments at times. 

Number three, never give directives to as a subordinate when you are angry if the matter is urgent, then cool off quickly.

Number four, treat all people as nearly as possible as if they were rich relatives from whom you expected to be remembered in their Will. That is a honey you just do that. Treat all people as if they were rich relatives from whom you expected to inherit something after their death and you can do that you know, if you had a rich relative that had a million dollars, he was going to leave or you suspect that he was going to it wouldn’t make very much difference what he said or did he would never throw you off balance. You never talked back to him, what’d you. Of course you wouldn’t, it’d be quite silly if you did that keeping quiet for a million dollars it seems to me to be a very easy price to pay.

Number five Look for the seed of an equivalent benefit  in every unpleasant circumstances of what you meet no matter what the unpleasant circumstances make it this hard to discipline yourself so that you look for that seed of an equivalent and you start looking in connection with a circumstance don’t wait a week or two do the whole work yourself up about it Start right in where you stand in the lessen the blow it’ll lessen the hurt of the wound whatever it happens to be, if you start looking for that seed of an equivalent benefit. 

And number six learn the almost forgotten art of asking questions and then listening to the answer instead of getting the other fella told off it gives you an awful lot of satisfaction when you’re angry get the other fella toll doesn’t it, and the temptation is very great to do that I know don’t I been there many times. Don’t do it, it’s bigger than that. Listen to what the other fellow has to say and then when somebody makes a statement that you’re not sure about learn to ask this one question it’s one of the most important questions in life it’ll serve more purposes than any other short question that I can think of. When somebody makes a statement that you’re not sure about or that you doubt or that you question

Oftentimes there is no answer people make wild statements that they can’t back up. And instead of getting into an argument and making an incident out of the matter and getting yourself worked up into an argument let the other folks do in his own fat by putting him over the bow but that question how do you know?

I had clergyman in my class once who was very I just don’t know exactly how to describe it he was a fanatic you might say on the subject religion and that he was sure that he knew exactly what was going to happen to me after death, said so in no uncertain terms not in the class but in the private conversation he raved and ranted for quite a little while about it and when he got through I said how do you know parson and that really put him over the bar that’s the way I feel about that’s my faith I said well now having a belief and faith is one thing but having evidence is something else here how do you know what’s going to happen to me in fraud ah I don’t know and I doubt that you do how do you know?

Well he never didn’t give me a satisfactory answer there are a lot of questions that come up in life in connection with which if you ask that one thing how do you know you’ll find that the other fellow will be off balance and you don’t need to make an incident out of what he says you don’t need to get mad at what it says.

Number Seven, never say or do anything which may influence another person without first asking yourself this question will it benefit him or hurt him?

And if it’ll hurt him, don’t do it. Don’t say anything or do anything that would hurt another person under any circumstances no matter how much he made deserve. You’re going to hurt yourself 10 times as much at least because that hurt will come back on you I don’t care who you are or what circumstances you’re working on or living under If you hurt another person you will be hurt 10 times as much. If you wait long enough because everything that you do to or for another person you do to, or for yourself there is no escape from that.

That’s just as much a law as the law of gravitation, which everyone understands. You know, that if you stepped over the top of this building no matter what your mind was your belief happened to be if you stepped over the top of this building and violated the law of gravitation that you hit the ground and you die in a very few seconds and this law which brings you back that which you send out is just as inevitable just as in extractable as the law of gravitation or any other of nature’s laws.

Number eight, learn the difference between friendly analysis and unfriendly criticism then decide which you wish to live by in your relationship with others. Now friendly analysis is one thing is welcomed by most sensible people. I don’t object to friendly analysis of anything that I do even though it’s very unfavorable if its friendly analysis I like it because I can improve by. But if its unfriendly criticism very obviously on friendly criticism not analysis why then I resent it I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. How can I tell whether its friendly analysis or unfriendly criticism?

How would you go about telling?

A lot of ways you can tell, you can tell by the your relationship to the person who’s making it whether its friendly or unfriendly to begin with. If it’s an enemy, obviously I discount it right off the bat because you almost know it’s going to be unfriendly criticism. I can tell also the tone of voice in which he does it well the manner in which he does it cause a man who engages in unfriendly criticism generally uses a few epithets along with it that clearly indicates that he’s biased.

And number nine remember that a good leader in any calling is one who can take orders as cheerfully as he gives them. 

And number 10, last but not least remember that tolerance in human relations is just as important as tolerance in operation of mechanics.

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1/keep your temper cool when others get hot

2/remember there are three sides of an Argument 

3/never give directives to a sub ordinate when you are angry

4/treat all people as if they were rich relatives from home you expect to inherit some thing from 

5/look for the seed of equivalent benefit from every unpleasant circumstances that you face

6/learn the art of asking questions and then listening to the answers

7/never say or do anything before asking yourself this question , would it benefit or hurt the other person?

8/learn the difference between Friendly analysis and unfriendly critics

9/a good leader can take orders as cheerfully as he gives them

10/remember that tolerance in human relations is as important as it is in operation of mechanics