How To Know It's Time To Let Go Of A Relationship...

We’ve got to be able to sit down and talk, we’ve got to be able to get everything out on a table. You notice I stress the word everything because many times, we address a little thing here, a little thing there, but were not getting it all out.

Hey everybody, this is Stephan Labossiere aka Stephan Speaks and welcome back to another dating and relationship advice video. when do you think it’s time to let go?

So, that’s what we’re talking about today how to know it’s time to let go. The reality is that this is a struggle for a lot of people. There are a lot of people in relationships right now who don’t belong there, who never belonged there, all right.

That might be you. And the reality is that we become very attached to individuals and when we’ve invested all this time and energy it becomes a struggle to walk away and the time to have let go may have been a long time ago, all right.

But I understand it’s not always that simple. It’s easier said than done, it is time for you, when you can walk away guilt-free without second-guessing if you did it too soon, if you should have tried harder. I want to help you understand when you’re moving in the right direction in regards to walking away and letting go. 

So, number one, number one reason as or number one sign that it’s time to let go is when the relationship consistently drains you instead of energizes you. Here’s the reality relationships are not supposed to be stressful, energy draining,

life-depleting situations, all right. Were supposed to be or they are supposed to be a dynamic that brings two people together. That creates a stronger unit that pours love and positivity into each other. That supports each other. That allows us to battle and deal with life better because we have that person that we can lean on by our side. And so, when you are in a relationship that is constantly draining and taking from you and depleting you, then it’s time to let go.

Now, granted again, I don’t want you to just say well, the minute I feel this way let me walk away. No, well get into how you should approach it, but the reality is that first, recognize is that the case with you?

Is that what’s going on?

Because if it is, why have you still been there?

If it is, why is it even happening?

Are the issues correctable or is it just a symptom of you being with the wrong individual. You’ve got to see when this is a real problem in your relationship and if it is, then this is a huge sign that it’s time to let go. But again, what we do always is address it. we see if this draining, this stress, this unhealthiness is due to miscommunication, is due to simply not being on the same page. Sometimes, simply talking about things could have easily fixed the problem and a lot of people don’t properly communicate with their partners and attempt to get to the root of the matter, all right.

A lot of people are expecting their partner to figure it out, Why should I even have to tell you, but you do have to tell them, you do have to express yourself fully so that they’re clear on what it is that you need, so that they’re clear on what the issue is because some people don’t even realize that you are feeling depleted while they’re feeling fine. I’m fine, I’m okay, you seemed okay, you said you’re all right. But the whole time you’re feeling destroyed by this relationship. You’ve got to communicate those things. But again, if it cannot be corrected after you see that it is taking and depleting you then yes,

Number two, number two sign it’s time to let go. When the issues that have been addressed are not being corrected. So, again, here’s the key, you have to address the issue first. I will never condone or encourage anyone to simply walk away from a relationship when they’ve done no addressing of the issues. We got to be able to sit down and talk, we got to be able to get everything out on a table. You notice I stress the word everything because many times, we address a little thing here, a little thing there, but were not getting it all out.

Maybe it’s the fear of they won’t be receptive to it, maybe it’s well, in the past this conversation hasn’t gone well and I completely understand that. But you cannot allow that to be a scapegoat as to why you’re not going to now talk about these things because if you’re not going to talk about it. If we can’t talk to each other we shouldn’t be together, plain and simple. So, you’ve got to be able to get it out. Now, if verbal communication has not worked and that’s very common that’s very typical, then I suggest doing it via a letter. It can be very hard to have healthy productive conversations verbally because people can get defensive, people deflect, sometimes, you don’t realize your tone and the energy that you’re bringing to that conversation so, they’re feeling attacked and they will get into defense mode.

Therefore, the conversation goes nowhere you guys see no progress. By putting it in a letter where you now can make sure your tone is appropriate, where you can make sure you get everything off your chest and now they will have an opportunity to truly process what’s being said not listen or read to rebuttal, but read to understand first and then they can respond. This increases the chances of productive communication. This increases the chances of you two being able to get on the same page and fully addressing things. And it also, increases the chances of you clearly seeing if this person is willing to work with you on the issues. So, consider doing it via a letter, but the bottom line is once it has been addressed if the behaviors are not being corrected it’s time to go or even worse, they’re not even trying to make it work.

Like, it’s one think if you have a conversation and someone says okay, I hear you out I’m going to try and over time you’re noticing nothing is getting better, nothing is improving. that we got to let this go, but for some of you, you’re bringing it to their attention, you’re clearly communicating, and all they’re doing is dismissing you. All they’re doing is making excuses. If they’re not willing then what kind of relationship can we have?

Its dead at that point, it’s going nowhere. So, at that point if we attempt to continue to stay in this relationship we are enabling their bad behavior. We are saying to them that your unwillingness is acceptable, but it’s not. You’re not happy, it’s only going to make things worse and you’re never going to see anything change because they see no consequence to their actions or their lack of actions. So, once you recognize that they’re not even willing to work with you, that is indeed a sign it is time to let go.

Number three, when you come to the realization that you’re not in love with them. Now, listen, that might be a tough one for some of you all to hear, but here’s the reality and notice I said when you come to this realization, because a lot of times people say, well, I fell out of love, things change. No, the love was never really there and again, I know that might be hard for you to accept because we confuse love with so many different things. We think We had an unhealthy attachment to this individual and sometimes, were so caught up in the hype, in the fantasy of who we think they are or who we want to believe they are that we ignore the reality of who they truly are.

And when the smoke finally clears and we finally accept that reality, we realize we’re not feeling it like that no more, we realize were not in love with them. And the reality is you were never truly in love with them. You were holding on to the image you had in your head not the reality they presented to you. But once you come to that realization for whatever reason then it’s time to go. And the reason why is because once you have come to realize your ability to pour into them the way that they need is pretty much gone and then their ability to do the same for you is pretty much out the window. And so, now, what kind of relationship are we going to have if we don’t feel like there is love between us?

We’re not going to be able to truly make this work. We can attempt to be robotic and say, okay, were just going to stick together and just go through the emotions. But what kind of relationship is that?

Is very unhealthy, unfulfilling, and it has huge ramifications. well, we got kids and I get it. Kids makes things much more difficult, but I tell you right now the idea that we stay together for the kids is misguided because what hurts the kids more than anything is an unhealthy household. So many people who are adults right now were once children growing up in toxic households.

Yes, we would love to see more two-parent households, but the goal is two-parent healthy households. If it’s going to be toxic, if it’s going to be unhappy, if it’s going to give it a negative example of relationships and love Now, again, this is a very sensitive topic to understand and grasp this, but I’m telling you right now as someone who has sat down with tons of people because remember, I am an actual coach. I sit down, I’ve counseled tons of people, I’ve counseled tons of children or younger kids and I’m telling you what I have seen firsthand and I’m willing to bet any money if you sat down and spoke to other therapists counselors. The more damaging impact is the unhealthy negative household

less than the actual separation.

And more so than anything what’s really causing damage outside of the unhealthy household dynamic from the separation itself is the confusion of it. The kids are like you, one minute you all told us you loved each other and now you’re saying you’re getting a divorce. Now, I try to leave divorce out of this I understand that when I say it’s time to let go for the... And were talking about divorce. These things can get a little more difficult and I have a very more a much more specific answer for those who are going through marriage. But whether its divorce, whether its you’re in a long-term committed relationship and you’re living together with the kids, whatever it is, it’s the confusion of your separation that does the most damage because you’ve been unfortunately lying to them all these years.

You’ve been making them think everything was okay and now they think one day I just woke up and it went downhill. When the kids are allowed to hear or understand the truth of the matter that this was a deteriorating situation That maybe you guys weren’t truly best for each other. Whatever it is, it may be a hard pill to swallow for them. But now they can process things in a way that allows them to still have healthy relationships going forward and for them to not internalize the issue because if I’m confused as a child why you two are separating then I may start to think is it me?

Because you’re not giving me the reality of this. So, now I start looking for answers I start internalizing the situation and now the damage starts to compound But ultimately listen, the goal is healthy household. And so, if it’s not going to be a healthy household we can’t talk to each other, we’re not correcting the issues, then there’s no point in continuing. So, when we come to the realization or one has come to the realization that they are not in love and they were never really in love. There’s really nothing we can do here. 

It’s unfortunate. It’s a sad situation but it’s what happens in so many cases and you’ve got to accept all they need you to be despite realizing you’re not in love with them, then there’s no reason to continue. But again, even if you lie to yourself and I don’t say that disrespectfully. Honestly, because if you try to convince yourself that you can do it you are lying to yourself. You might keep it up for a little while but at some point, it’s going to fall off because when you’re not in love, when there’s no connection there, your ability to pour into them is just not going to be sustainable.

Number four and this is the big one to me, all right. And this is even more specific with those who are married. It’s time to go when God tells you it is. Now, listen, if you’re not a believer then of course, this isn’t going to apply to you, but for those of you who are we have to understand that God knows better than us. We have to lean on His understanding and it’s... A lot of times it’s hard for us to evaluate letting go of a situation because our emotions are involved, our time and energy has been given, we may have pressure from family and friends, we may have pressure from feeling like we’re not getting any younger. to be in denial of the fact that we need to let go and walk away from this relationship.

But the one thing, the one person, the one entity, however you want to describe it that will see past all that and can guide you correctly is God. Your friends and family cannot give you proper guidance all the time, your pastor, me, even though I’m giving you this information I’m not God I don’t trump his guidance. I’m just giving you something to consider, and ask him is it time to leave?

The reality is that many of you have already been told it is but you struggle and now you need to talk to God more about how to get to a place that you can embrace the strength you do have within you to do what’s best. For many of you, that’s going to start with healing, not just healing from that specific relationship but from past relationships not just romantic ones, your father, your mothers, your cousins, your siblings, whoever.

Anyone who’s hurt you because all of that trauma, all of that hurt and disappointment contributes to your struggle to walk away from something that isn’t best for you. To be able to now do what needs to be done but again you’ve got to talk to God, you got to get in tune with your spirit, and when he says it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Now, when we’re talking about divorce I know people say, God hates divorce, He does but do you think he approves of miserable relationships?

Do you think he approves of toxic marriages?

He does not. So, if we’re going to not correct the issue then do you think He simply wants you to stay there?

Now, listen, again, don’t just take that as oh, that must mean God wants me to leave and get a divorce. No, you have to talk to God.

You have to allow Him to guide you, but don’t assume you know what God wants you to do. There are some situations where yes, He may not tell you to simply get a divorce but the actions or the steps that He will give you may lead to you being released from that marriage. It may be your partner who pulls the trigger and you go with that because that will be your freedom that will be your pass to get out. Whatever it is you got to let God tell you how to handle it. Too many times we go to other individuals who yes, may have good intention but they have...

They lack wisdom. They lack an understanding of what’s going on and the unfortunate reality is that some of you have simply gotten with the wrong person and yes, married the wrong person for the wrong reasons and there’s nothing you can do to make it work in your specific situation. But that’s why you’ve got to accept what God wants you to do, but let me tell you this even if you are married and contemplate in divorce, all right. And even if you feel God wants you to walk away from this. He don’t want you walking away acting a fool. What I mean by that is I see so many people think well, I’m on my way out anyway so, F it, I’m going to do whatever I want.

Some people start dating and you’re still technically married. Some people still aren’t upholding their duties as a partner. No, no, no, no, no, that isn’t how this works. You still need to put your best foot forward. There is still a proper way to go about this you still need to... You still need to make sure you, you are going about things in the best way, in the way that God would have want you to. You can’t just say God wants me to do this but then do actions or take actions that are contradicting or contradictory to what God would tell someone to do in regards to how were behaving specifically. But again, talk to God put your best foot forward, all right. Some of your situations can be fixed and for some of you, it cant.

But either way, you lean on Him, you consider the things that I’ve mentioned, all right. And that’s how you know it’s time to go. Now, again, I know this is going to be a tough video for some of you guys who watch this and some of you may disagree with what’s been said. Leave your feedback below let me know what you’re thinking, all right. But either way, I truly believe this is...These are the things you need to be mindful of when you’re asking yourself how to know if it’s time to let go. And I pray that you are able to do what’s best for you and for those of you who it can be fixed I pray that you guys are able to figure it out and get things together and get that communication going and get on the same page. But for those of you who simply are not where you belong, I hope and pray that you’re able to walk away so that you can receive what is for you and start to live the life that you were created to live.

THE MINDSET OF HIGH ACHIEVERS